he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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