we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
