I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
