I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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