he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't deserve a penis
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
