The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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