Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
