Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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