What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
