today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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