she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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