If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
