Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well I just put wine in my tea
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
