dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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