He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Success! We fucked roommates!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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