She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
