u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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