I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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