My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
