so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You can't special order awesome
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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