that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
