I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
