yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
