My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
