ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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