So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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