I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
