just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
