Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
