he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
