Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
