I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
