is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
