I heard we made out
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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