He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
