Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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