Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
