Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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