dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
