the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
