when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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