"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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