Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
