He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
if only i could text you this smell
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
