My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
