dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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