the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
