I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We have started to decorate penises.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Randomize
