your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
