So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
