sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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