are you so shy because you have an std?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
