I'm gonna have a badass scar
handjob tips. give me some.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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