i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
